drive the train
Our world is full of stimulations, and our minds mimic our surroundings. As we busy ourselves constantly, so is that business occurring in our minds. And the momentum created from our days carries on also in the moments in which we are not busy. When we are driving, sitting on the toilet, going for a walk, our mind continues to be busy, simply because thought, like matter, has momentum. As we drive our thoughts forward, they will not of themselves just stop. In our day to day, the constant humming of our thoughts is sometimes quite functional, as we think about our work or talk with others. Unfortunately, the thinking faculty consumes power and, like a fire consuming wood, it does not stop when it is no longer needed. The larger the flame, the more it consumes.
The trouble with this self-driving engine only appears when we want to stop it, and discover that we cannot. When we want to change our lives, change our emotions, change the direction of our thoughts, we find that the thought-train is driving itself. It is on a track that we have set it on but it does not stop. And we are not quite sure when we set it on that track. When the train goes to places we do not like, such as dark thoughts, or pointless loops, we struggle with it, try to change its path. We fight for the driver's seat, and discover that it is no easy fight. And when we wish to embark on an inner journey, to investigate our thoughts, the sources of our fears and pains, we find that our minds do not comply, the journey is haphazard, and mostly we continue on our preset track.
I practiced Vipassana for many years. Vipassana and every other kind of meditation is great if it works for you. But for me I have found the practice of meditation to be counter-intuitive. The attempt to let the thoughts run their course and focus on the breathing, until the horse, so to speak, is reigned in -- assumes that the thoughts will run their course. For me, this path lacks one thing in particular: direction. To generate focus for the purpose of focus, with the general aim of peace and quiet, is contradictory to our lives, which have agendas, aims, directions. To suspend our agendas with an agenda of "no agenda"... for me this feels like a clash of goals.
I believe in destiny, dharma, self-determination. If you want to drive the train, get used to driving the train. Not when the train has gone to places you do not like, and you just want to get it out. Because when you do finally get out, and you leave the train again to go again where it wills, to follow the momentum of your life and the society in which you find yourself, then you will always remain without control. To embark on the inner journey, we must ask ourselves "where do I wish to go"? What do we want? Wanting is willing, and willing is the fundamental driving force. The train is going where we are willing it. If it seems to be driving randomly, to ping-pong between the events of the day and repetitive mundane matters, it is because we are sleeping. We are not willing ourselves in any direction.
But the force that generates and directs will is a mysterious entity that is called "wanting". Wanting is the core of who we are, the central axis that moves our life. It is completely ours and utterly mundane, and yet mysterious and hidden. To drive the train, to generate will, to tap into our wanting, we need honesty. To look into ourselves and ask "what do I want"? Do not wait for enlightenment. Do not wait for wanting full of sparkles and bright lights. Grasp the tiniest bit of wanting that you want to want, the tiniest bit of true wanting that reverberates in your soul and sounds right. Grasp it, jump into the driver's seat, drive the train. The train is our thoughts but it is not mundane. I do not believe in the Buddhist view that the mind is noise. The mind is a reflection of our wanting, our thoughts generate stories, our stories generate our attitudes, our attitudes determine our responses to the world, and our interaction with the world is reflected back to us and generates our perception of who we are.
Drive your thoughts by feeding them your true desires. Feed it constantly, when you are driving, sitting on the toilet, going for a walk. Do not leave the train without a driver, to go where it will. Repeat a prayer, a mantra, a song that encapsulates your wanting. At first it is tiring, because changing the direction of a moving object takes energy, but soon the effort disappears, as the velocity of the train aligns with our thoughts. It becomes natural, and it moves where you want it to go. And then you will see if you want what you want. If you are true to your goal. If you are honest, then as your desire starts to realize itself, you will discover a new horizon with a new choice. And again you must be honest, find your wanting, tap your will, drive the train.
The trouble with this self-driving engine only appears when we want to stop it, and discover that we cannot. When we want to change our lives, change our emotions, change the direction of our thoughts, we find that the thought-train is driving itself. It is on a track that we have set it on but it does not stop. And we are not quite sure when we set it on that track. When the train goes to places we do not like, such as dark thoughts, or pointless loops, we struggle with it, try to change its path. We fight for the driver's seat, and discover that it is no easy fight. And when we wish to embark on an inner journey, to investigate our thoughts, the sources of our fears and pains, we find that our minds do not comply, the journey is haphazard, and mostly we continue on our preset track.
I practiced Vipassana for many years. Vipassana and every other kind of meditation is great if it works for you. But for me I have found the practice of meditation to be counter-intuitive. The attempt to let the thoughts run their course and focus on the breathing, until the horse, so to speak, is reigned in -- assumes that the thoughts will run their course. For me, this path lacks one thing in particular: direction. To generate focus for the purpose of focus, with the general aim of peace and quiet, is contradictory to our lives, which have agendas, aims, directions. To suspend our agendas with an agenda of "no agenda"... for me this feels like a clash of goals.
I believe in destiny, dharma, self-determination. If you want to drive the train, get used to driving the train. Not when the train has gone to places you do not like, and you just want to get it out. Because when you do finally get out, and you leave the train again to go again where it wills, to follow the momentum of your life and the society in which you find yourself, then you will always remain without control. To embark on the inner journey, we must ask ourselves "where do I wish to go"? What do we want? Wanting is willing, and willing is the fundamental driving force. The train is going where we are willing it. If it seems to be driving randomly, to ping-pong between the events of the day and repetitive mundane matters, it is because we are sleeping. We are not willing ourselves in any direction.
But the force that generates and directs will is a mysterious entity that is called "wanting". Wanting is the core of who we are, the central axis that moves our life. It is completely ours and utterly mundane, and yet mysterious and hidden. To drive the train, to generate will, to tap into our wanting, we need honesty. To look into ourselves and ask "what do I want"? Do not wait for enlightenment. Do not wait for wanting full of sparkles and bright lights. Grasp the tiniest bit of wanting that you want to want, the tiniest bit of true wanting that reverberates in your soul and sounds right. Grasp it, jump into the driver's seat, drive the train. The train is our thoughts but it is not mundane. I do not believe in the Buddhist view that the mind is noise. The mind is a reflection of our wanting, our thoughts generate stories, our stories generate our attitudes, our attitudes determine our responses to the world, and our interaction with the world is reflected back to us and generates our perception of who we are.
Drive your thoughts by feeding them your true desires. Feed it constantly, when you are driving, sitting on the toilet, going for a walk. Do not leave the train without a driver, to go where it will. Repeat a prayer, a mantra, a song that encapsulates your wanting. At first it is tiring, because changing the direction of a moving object takes energy, but soon the effort disappears, as the velocity of the train aligns with our thoughts. It becomes natural, and it moves where you want it to go. And then you will see if you want what you want. If you are true to your goal. If you are honest, then as your desire starts to realize itself, you will discover a new horizon with a new choice. And again you must be honest, find your wanting, tap your will, drive the train.
Comments
Post a Comment