chasing fear

Fear protects us. Just like immune cells isolate foreign bodies by surrounding them in fatty membranes, so does fear surround pain, enveloping it from every side, identifying it as harmful to us. When we touch fear we know to turn away. Fear tells us that there is something harmful inside, and so we naturally avoid it. But like the vesicles in which foreign bodies are encapsulated, the content of the fear envelope is not meant to remain in us forever. It is meant to be opened, broken down and absorbed. And like in our bodies, this process must be done under the right conditions.

The condition for embracing fear is inner readiness. Inner readiness is above all the will to grow, regardless of the suffering that may be involved. It is the will to walk into the dark. Does my light need to be bright enough in order to walk into the dark? Certainly light must be there, because the darkness has strong currents, and they can carry us away. But I believe the question of brightness is of lesser significance. There is not truly a question of how much light is within you. Understanding is its own light. To look upon fear, to know that it is not the enemy, to know that it guards you from that which would harm you, is strength enough to begin.

Just as fear is designed to keep us away, when we turn to embrace it, it will run from us. Fear is a pushing-away force, and if we do not turn away from this force, it will simply push itself away. That is why, when in a nightmare you turn towards that which has been chasing you, it usually disappears. You never meet it. I have never had the monster turn into a puppy like in some stories. The monster simply disappears. This is why, in order to embrace fear, we must be more than willing. In meeting fear, it is not sufficient to not fear the fear. We must love the fear, we must embrace it. We must cultivate this readiness. When fear appears, jump on it. If it runs, chase it. It is not a battle, it is the natural force of love. Just as fear pushes away, so does love unite. Love that cares not what it loves, that embraces because that is its nature.

Because in the moment that we embrace the fear, it begins to dissolve and release that which it envelopes. Pain enters, flows through the heart. I am ready. I accept the pain. I embrace the fear. I feel, I am alive. This is joy, to open, to unite with myself, to feel what arrives, to let it wash through. My heart is with God and all that comes is just the Path.